The Road Rarely Traveled Part 2 of 3

Continued from Part 1

Four Questions to Ask Your Wife.  Consider this example.  Husbands, how can you best respond to your wife when she says, “Everything I say makes you mad!  You’re an angry, nasty person.  I am sick of being yelled at.”Ask your wife these four questions says Estero Marriage Counseling.

1. Repeat.  Repeat or paraphrase back to your spouse what they just said.  Husband:  “What you are saying is you feel like I’m angry all the time and I respond angrily to everything you say.  You don’t want to hear me yell anymore.  Is that correct?”

2. Agree.  Find something / anything to agree with or validate your wife without a “but.”   Husband:  “I think there is validity in what you are saying.  You are right.  I am easily angered and I do raise my voice.”

           

3. Address Feelings.  Acknowledge the emotion your wife is expressing.  Husband:  “I can see that this is making you very frustrated and upset.”

4. Make Inquiry.Dig deeper into your wife’s mindset.  Husband: “I understand that I upset you.  But why do you call me ‘nasty?’  What do I do that makes you describe me that way?”

Four Questions to Ask Yourself.  Here are four corresponding questions you should also ask yourself says to Fort Myers FL Marriage Counseling.  (1) Do I show that I understand what my spouse is saying?  (2) Do I acknowledge any truth in what he or she says?  (3)  Do I look to see  how my spouse is feeling?  (4) Have I dug deeper to make sure I haven’t missed something?

II.  Assert – Express Your Own Perspective Without Attacking

Virtually all marriage therapists engaged in marriage counseling acknowledge that communication is not a one-way street.  Both sides must speak to each other.   In the prior section, you have attempted to delve into your spouse’s perspective.   He or she may not do the same for you.  They may not know how to.  In either case, you will need to express where you are coming from.  This is a basic premise for marriage counselors as well as marriage mediators and other professionals engaged in working with and helping couples.

Continued in part 3

If you live in Southwest Florida, in Cape Coral, Napels, Punta Gorda, Bonita Springs, Estero, Fort Myers, or the surrounding areas, and you are in need of help for your marriage, contact Dr. Ken Newberger at (239) 689-4266 for a complimentary telephone consultation.  You can also learn more about him and his unique approach to helping couples by viewing his website at  www.MarriageCounselingAlt.com